WutWut! Don't Bust that Nut!
by my.sock.account
Summary: Puck is shocked when he stops at Rachel's apartment. Heavy on the swears!


WutWut!Don't bust that Nut!

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><p>I wanted to start writing again after this bout of block, and was inspired today after reading a chapter of nicalyse's new story TtMEtS. Standard disclaimers, no beta. Thanks for reading!<p>

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><p><em>GodDamnCockAndBalls!<em>

He couldn't fuckin' believe it! He had just let himself into Rachel's apartment with his key, only to see some pervert in her living room, on her couch, pants to his ankles . . ._ GodDamnCockAndBalls_ . . . . fuckin' touching himself!

Quickly removing the gobsmacked expression from his face he stepped back into the hallway and dialed 911.

**"911, Where's your emergency?"**

"There's a GodDamn pervert!freak in my friend's apartment! I don't know how he got there but he's on her couch, fucking masturbating! I'd go in there and kick his fucking pervert ass but there's GodDamnCockAndBalls hanging out!"

Noah glanced back into the apartment through the crack in the door, that sooo GodDamnDeadMotherFucker was still there, head thrown back, mouth open, . . . .fuckin' . . fuckin'. . . well . . .tugging it for all it's worth. _What the fuckin' hell?_

"I told her she needed better security in this place, that piece of shit doorman let's anyone up! She's had a stalker problem before; I knew this shit wasn't over!"

**"What is the address Sir?"** He quickly spit it out and the next question out of her mouth stopped his heart!

**"Is your friend currently in the apartment Sir?"**

"Fuck, fuck I don't know! She had some sorta meeting tonight; I was just dropping something off! Just hurry the fuckin' police up. I need 'ta go in there and see . . . . . see if she's there, I mean, not that fuckin' pervert! I've seen enough of that, that shits gonna stop right now!"

**"Sir, please wait for the Police to get there, I've already dispatched them and they're on their way. Please stay on the line!"**

Puck quickly closed his cell and pocketed it. Slowly he peaked through the crack again, dude was still pullin' meat! Silently entering the apartment he gently shut the door.

He could hear Rachel muffled through the walls, she was singing in the shower. He prayed to whoever was listening that she'd get through this unharmed. _This piece of mother fucking asshat was gonna die!_

Quietly advancing towards him, going around the back of the couch he raised his hand above his head. This asshole was so into it he hadn't heard him at all!_ Really! Is this reality right now? Pervert!_

Delivering the most unholy of holy-shit bitch-slaps he knocks that sick fuck right across the temple.

"YOU DISGUSTING MOTHERFUCKER! HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY GIRLS APARTMENT AND SPANK THE MONKEY LIKE THIS! I'M GONNA FUCKIN' END YOU! YOU'RE GONNA DIE WITH YOUR MOTHER FUCKIN' PANTS ROUND YOUR ANKLES YOU STUPID BITCH!"

Guy didn't even have a second to remove his hands from around his dick when he took one to the jaw, twice.

Noah turned and quickly pounded on the bathroom door.

"Rachel stay in there baby some sick fuck broke in, I called the Police, lock the door!"

When he turned around again, Freak had stood up from the couch, both hands in the air, junk limp, and pants still at his ankles.

"Dude seriously, I didn't know she had a boyfriend, I'll leave, leave right now, j . j . .just let me get my pants and I WILL LEAVE!"

He slowly, without breaking eye contact with Puck reached for his pants and quickly pulled them up.

Puck was caught off guard when the door opened behind him, he quickly tried to cut Rachel off and protect her from seeing this scene, but she beat him to it by almost knocking him over while trying to leave the bathroom.

"Richard, I told you . . . .Noah? What are you doing here?"

Rachel was confused looking back and forth between us, me blocking her from leaving the bathroom in her towel and him with his pants undone, belt hanging loose, hands still raised in the air.

"What's going on here? Noah explain yourself!"

"Explain myself, explain myself! I was coming over to drop off those pictures you wanted Ma to send you and I find this sick fuck on your couch!"

"Yes Noah, Richard is my date from earlier this evening; I didn't know how well the outcome would be so I omitted it from our earlier conversation."

Rachel looks toward this Richard-fuck and smiles, "Although I've enjoyed myself immensely."

_This shit was over before it began 'cause it ain't happening! Puck! Foot! Down!_

"Yeah, so did he! SO much that he decided to drop his pants and rub one off on your couch while you were in the shower! Do you even know how disturbed I am right now? I mean, I came in here and there was GodDamnCockAndBalls on your fuckin' couch! Rachel I sit on that couch, we watch Sunday night football there! What the fuck was he doing? "

Rachel gets this funny look on her face, half ways between confused and repulsed, her nose is scrunched and her lips form a line, when she looks at him I think she gags a little.

"Richard?"

Freak's looking at me now, like I have the answer to her question. I'm still grossed out that she actually invited this sicko into her apartment. His mouth is hanging open trying to form words . . . .

"Look, we um hit it off so well, and uh, you said you need to freshen up some and I . . . .

_Are you serious? All this way, all this time and still the girl gets stuck with Finn v2.0._

"I have a problem sometimes, and I thought, you know, while you were in the bathroom. . . . and I wasn't expecting this guy to come through the door . . How was I supposed to know other people lived here?"

I stop him before he can stutter any more excuses out,

"Hey I don't live here, and I certainly don't jerk-off in other peoples living rooms either! I got the skills. Take care of that shit before you leave the house. Rach, I think it's time to say goodnight to Ricky here and cut your loses!"

"Um yes Richard, as I have company now I think its best that you leave, I had a lovely time earlier but also think its best that we don't see each other again. Thank you and goodnight. See yourself out."

"COME TO THE DOOR IT'S THE POLICE!"

Oh yeah, I forgot about that!

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><p>Thsi is just a little something I thought of earlier and tried to get it out on paper, I think I failed. If you have anything to say I would be glad to hear it. I let it open-ended, cause I could be convinced to write a PWP sequel. I got a certain number in my head and if I get enough reviews then I will make it happen. I know it's a bitchy thing to do but, so's writer's block, so I kinda need it!Thanks for reading!<p> 


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